December 2023 – Allison Biel

Welcome 2024

I hope you all had an enjoyable and peaceful Christmas period regardless of how you celebrated this time of year. So, how was 2023 for you? For me 2023 was a challenging year. I have personally suffered chronic pain, terminal illness in a loved one, grief and stress. But with the help of my friends, family and the use of a few hypnotherapy techniques I have emerged largely unscathed and perhaps a little stronger.

So, as Benjamin Franklin (Founding Fathers of the United States) said, “Be at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbours, and let every New Year find you a better man”. In that spirit, what changes are you thinking of making in 2024? Perhaps stop smoking, lose weight, be less stressed and anxious, be more confident, overcome a fear or phobia, tackle your insomnia, start / grow your business or delve into past lives? If so, I can help you with any of these. Contact me for more information.

What does 2024 mean for me? Well, I am planning to develop my business further and offer a programme of courses and workshops. The first of which is to ensure you have and can maintain healthy personal boundaries with those you have a relationship with. Others will help with personal development and enable you to make the most of your potential. Now, despite what one of my favourite comedians, Dylan Moran, says I think we can all find ways to reach our full potential.

So happy New Year everyone. And if you think Hypnotherapy can help you make changes to your life then contact me to discuss it further.

Boundaries

As I have grown older, and hopefully wiser, I have realised that having well defined boundaries are critical to happiness and being fulfilled. Now, I am not talking about your garden fence, but rather the boundaries that exist within our personal relationships and interaction. Having good boundaries are essential to being healthy both mentally and emotionally.

So what is a boundary? Well it’s a real or imagined line that marks the edge or limit of something. But what I am really talking about is that it’s the limit of what someone considers to be acceptable behaviour. We all need to be aware of the boundaries and ensure they are working for you. What this means is understanding that you can control the relationships you have and can always say ‘Yes’, or, indeed, ‘No’.

How do you know that you have problems with boundary setting? Well, have any of these happened to you?

You often say ‘Yes’ when you really want or need to say ‘No’
You hate letting people down. It eats you up inside when it feels like you have
You give so much of yourself in relationships that you often feel drained
You over share personal information and then later on, feel embarrassed or regret it
You’ve been putting everybody else’s wants before your own needs and desires.

We all deserve to feel happy and fulfilled. And I feel so passionately about this that I am currently working on a workshop to help you set, maintain and if necessary change healthy boundaries. I hope that the workshop will be ready in the New Year. Watch the video below to get an idea of what your will get from it. And, watch this space and resolve to make better, stronger relationships in 2024.

And remember what Robert Frost (American Poet) said in his 1914 poem ‘Mending Wall’, “Good fences make good neighbours”. It’s such a powerful message that it’s become a proverb. Namely, that neighbours are best able to maintain positive relationships when they don’t intrude upon or harm each other’s land. Fences, for example, would restrict one’s livestock your own land.

If this is something you feel you can benefit from then contact me and I would make sure you have more information when the workshop is ready.

Inner Critic

Do you have an inner critic? An inner voice that undermines, criticises and reduces your self-esteem. That voice that when you do something well says, ‘Yeah, but…’ or when you mess up says, ‘I told you it wouldn’t work.”. Most of us do.

We all have moments of doubt and weakness, but if you allow your inner critic too much sway you are limiting, and self-sabotaging, yourself. There is a time for reflection and learning lessons, but this is an unwelcome negative voice that saps energy and motivation. Such negative expressions can be the result of psychological stress, anxiety and even depression.

How does your inner voice make you feel? Positive, energised, encouraged, motivated? If not, you need to reframe and refocus the inner voice. As Joyce Meyer (American Author and Speaker) put it, “Watch out for the joy-stealers: gossip, criticism, complaining, fault-finding, and a negative, judgmental attitude”.

It’s worth taking some time to think about your inner chatter. You might be surprised how negative and discouraging it can be. Becoming more aware of this negative self-talk is an important step towards challenging the view of overly critical judgments and to foster more positive patterns of thought. Once you become used to observing and listening to your inner chatter you can work towards changing it.

When you observe these negative voices and patterns you are able to see yourself, specifically in relation to self-esteem and how you evaluate your abilities and characteristics. Once you have done this you can begin to challenge these negative feelings and change how you perceive yourself.

This can be achieved through a greater understanding of your abilities and talents as well as being more patient, optimistic and less critical of yourself. This will start to boost your self-esteem and make you a more robust and positive person. Also, I wrote recently about positive affirmations and how they can help to motivate and remind you of the positives when you need a little confidence boost. I find these very useful myself.

Essentially, it’s about becoming an observer of your inner dialogue and not so much a participate. By noticing if it’s negative and discouraging you can then commit to changing it to be more empowering and positive.

Another way to put it is this. Do you follow an influencers? Typically on social media. They can have a tremendous influence on how you feel about a product, topic or even yourself. But the greatest influencer in your life is your inner voice. Is it feeding you encouragement and positive messages about yourself? Or is it, critical and negative. Retire the inner critic – it’s had a good run. It’s time to have a more supportive and encouraging inner voice.

Post Co-vid Burnout

Post co-vid there has been a lot of talk about burnout and how the altered working and social life has caused more of it. Even before co-vid, in 2019, the World Health Organisation (WHO) recognised occupational burnout as a phenomenon resulting from chronic (long term) work-related stress, with symptoms such as “feelings of energy depletion or exhaustion; increased mental distance from one’s job, or feelings of negativism or cynicism related to one’s job; and reduced professional efficacy” (Burn-out an “occupational phenomenon”: International Classification of Diseases”. WHO. 28 May 2019).

Burnout is a gradual process, it doesn’t happen overnight and it can creep up on you. It’s a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion caused by excessive and prolonged stress. It occurs when you feel overwhelmed, emotionally drained, and unable to meet constant demands.

Burnout may be the result of constant stress, but it isn’t the same as stress. Stress usually involves too much – too many demands, too much to cope with physically or mentally. However, stressed people usually feel that if they can just get on top things, get everything under control, they’ll feel better. Burnout, on the other hand, is characterised by not enough. Burned out people feel empty and mentally exhausted, devoid of motivation and beyond caring. People with burnout usually don’t see any hope of an improvement to their situation.

Although the WHO have characterised the burnout as work related, I disagree. A parent who is not employed but stays at home and are caregivers can experience burnout. Also, not all of contributing factors were work-related. Common contributing factors include

Excessive workload and unrealistic demands – Work, caring for others.
Concerns about money
Social isolation or lack of a support network
Lack of job security
Relationship issues
Sleep problems
Poor diet

The pandemic and subsequent changes to working life has caused some people additional problems. For some the socialising at work is an important part of their life – working from home might mean you don’t speak to anyone. Working from home can also be stressful if it is not a suitable environment for work – many distractions such as children, pets or others in the household. Finally, without structure and routine that the workplace can bring there is a risk of over working. Jason Fried (American Businessman) put it very well when he said, “That’s the great irony of allowing passionate people to work from home. A manager’s natural instinct is to worry that her workers aren’t getting enough work done. But the real threat is that they will wind up working too hard. And because the manager isn’t sitting across from her worker anymore, she can’t look in the person’s eyes and see burnout”.

Hypnotherapy can help relieved a wide range of symptoms of burnout and help you to make the changes to avoid it in the future. These include relaxation, boosting confidence / positive affirmation, meditation, progression muscle relaxation and stress reduction. Also it can help you to deal with sleeplessness, smoking, alcohol use or weight gain, Furthermore it can help with better diet – eating disorders, sugar addiction, comfort eating and any other unwanted or problematic habits. So if you think I can help then contact me.

Spiritual Literacy Month

December is Spiritual Literacy Month. This special month was the idea of Frederic and Mary Ann Brussat, who have written several books on the idea of spirituality and the soul. It’s observed every year in December and it encourages those of us who are interested in spiritualism to expand our knowledge. It’s an opportunity to open our minds and at the same time deepen our faith and knowledge of spirituality, faith and religion.

Championing the course of educating and encouraging people to embrace their spirituality has always been important to me. Before the popularity of organised religion, there were many diverse ways that people devised to communicate with the source or their maker. And each of these may appeal to you or have some value for you.

The Indian actress and model, Tanushree Dutta, had an interesting issue with exploring spiritualism. She said, “I was always inclined towards spiritualism but was afraid that I would become a sanyasin [some who forsake all materialism] if I pursued it actively”. But this is not really a problem as you are not compelled to do anything you don’t want to. Even if you aren’t a very spiritual person, you can start a journey to connect to something bigger than yourself, and to learn more about why people believe what they do.

So why not do something to celebrate spiritual literacy month. Spiritual literacy can include many things. It can include meditation, contemplations and resolutions. All of which can transform the life of a person. Perhaps read a book about spiritualism or research an aspect that interests you. And remember spiritualism is not a religion.

I find reading about spiritualism to be quite uplifting and rejuvenating. Also, learning more about other people’s spiritual perspectives and ideals gives you a broader perspective.