ahmad-odeh-TK_WT3dl2tw-unsplash (1)

The Drama Triangle

How do you react in a stressful, emotional or conflict situation? How do your friends or family respond to such challenges? The Karpman Drama Triangle, also known as the Rescue Triangle, defines the common subconscious roles, and resulting dysfunctional behaviours, we take on in these situations.

Dr Stephen Karpman, an expert in Transactional Analysis, defined the model in the 1960s. This shows the roles and dysfunctional interrelationships of people facing this sort of conflict situation.

The persecutor’s key messages are ‘I am OK, you’re not’, ‘It’s your fault’ and ‘I need to be in charge’. This involves blaming, labelling, criticism and putting others down. The payoff for them is that they get what they want, but this can leave them isolated and others feeling they can’t express themselves for fear of blame or criticism.

 

The victim’s key messages are ‘You are OK, I am not’, ‘I need help’ and ‘I can’t cope’. This involves complaining, withdrawal, being helpless and catastrophising. The payoff is that they don’t have to deal with things that are difficult or challenging, but can mean people avoid wanting to get involved and tire of helping.

The rescuer key messages are ‘I will help you’, ‘You don’t need to try’ and ‘I am better at this than you are’. This involves taking over, giving orders and fixing things. The payoff is that they feel liked, loved or appreciated, but this can lead to martyrdom and them becoming victims themselves.

This is a useful model and realising where you are in the triangle is an important first step before ‘Moving on’ or ‘getting off the triangle’. There are two main ideas of how to transform and transcend this drama triangle.

In the 1990s the Drama Triangle model was extended with the TED (The Empowerment Dynamic) to include more positive roles and interaction to help people foster a more productive mind-set. These new roles show a more positive and helpful approach;

  • The victim becomes the creator or owner. They become outcome-oriented as opposed to problem-oriented. They take responsibility and have the power to achieve a solution
  • The persecutor becomes the challenger or motivator.   They motivate the former victim to take action through supportive comments and actions.
  • The rescuer becomes the coach or facilitator. They provide assistance and support, not the solutions as these need to be owned by the creator.

The main difference between the rescuer and the coach is that the coach sees the creator as capable of solving their own problems. The coach asks questions that enable the creator to see the possibilities for positive action and to concentrate on what they do want not what they don’t want.

As Eckhart Tolle (German-born spiritual teacher) said, “To complain is always nonacceptance of what is. It invariably carries an unconscious negative charge. When you complain, you make yourself into a victim. When you speak out, you are in your power. So change the situation by taking action or by speaking out if necessary or possible; leave the situation or accept it. All else is madness”.

photo-1511493073783-656de98e47af__1653917178_213.122.87.74

Men and Women 2

A few months ago I wrote about the difference between men and women and got a good response. So, I thought I would expand on this a little more. Being aware of these differences, acknowledging them and working with them is important in any relationship, be it personal, business or social. Now, the differences are a matter of degree and not absolute statements. But, whatever our gender identity, we are all a blend of masculine and feminine energies. So what are the differences between men and women?

The most common complain men have about women is that they always want to change them. But when a woman tries to improve, change, correct or give advice to a man, he hears he is being told that they aren’t competent or don’t know how to do something or that they can’t do something on their own.

The most frequent complaint women have about men is that they don’t listen. Men instinctively want to offer advice and solutions to problems and this is for them the best way to be helpful and to show love. However, women often just want empathy and someone to listen to them. A man trying to change a woman’s mood when she is upset by offering solutions to her problems is often interpreted as discounting and invalidating her feelings.

One further area of contention is house work and cleanliness. Men typically avoid housework and may feel demeaned by doing it. For women, cleaning a house is a manifestation of warm, homey nest. Men and women also often have different thresholds for cleanliness and dirt.

A man only appreciates advice and criticism if it is requested. Men are more open to improvements when they feel they are being approached as a solution to a problem rather than the problem itself.

Men have a greater needs for status and independence while women have needs for intimacy and connection. Women need caring, understanding, respect, devotion, validation, and reassurance and are motivated when they feel special or cherished. While men need to be trusted, accepted, appreciated, admired and encouraged. They feel motivated when they feel needed and fears that he is not good enough or not competent enough. .

Knowing about these differences, accepting and respecting them will help you understand your partner better. And always remember them when talking about anything important, when trying to express care and concern and when solving conflicts. Remember, a combination of male and females strengths can be a formidable team. While it’s a slightly dated quote, as Dick Van Dyke (American actor) said, “Women will never be as successful as men because they have no wives to advise them”.

If you and your partner are struggling, a good place to start trying to resolve things might be to read the book ‘Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus’ (1992) written by American Author and Relationship Counsellor, John Gray. This explains in some detail the differences between the sexes and common misunderstandings and misperceptions.

niklas-ohlrogge-uu0cOMPdM2g-unsplash__1653917091_213.122.87.74

Akashic records

Some religions and spiritual beliefs have the idea of a repository of all events that have ever, or will ever, happen. Commonly known as the Akashic (the Sanskrit word Akasha means ether, atmosphere or sky) records, they are a collection of all the events, thoughts, words, emotions to have occurred in the past, present, or future anywhere in the universe. And not just for humans, but for all entities and life forms.

In contrast to traditional secular ideas, thoughts and consciousness are not a by-product of the brains function, but have their own objective and universal reality independent of the physical. And it is this that is stored in the Akashic records.

It is thought that this fantastic resource is housed in a non-physical plane of existence known as the mental plane. This is a plane of thought and so can only be accessed through using your mind with techniques such as hypnosis or mediation.

So using hypnosis and other modalities you can explore the Akashic records and discover past lives, future lives or insight into your current life. Archives and records can be a tremendous source of information and can bring meaning to what you have or are experiencing. As Antony Beevor (British Historian) put it, “I get slightly obsessive about working in archives because you don’t know what you’re going to find. In fact, you don’t know what you’re looking for until you find it”.

The term was adopted in Western spiritualism in the late 19th century. It was first introduced to the theosophical world by Helena Petrovna Blavatsky (Russian author who co-founded the Theosophical Society in 1875) who characterised it as a type of life force. She also referred to “indestructible tablets of the astral light” recording both the past and future of human thought and actions.

This was later referenced and built upon by a number of academics and theosophical scholars. Henry Steel Olcott was an American military officer, journalist, lawyer, Freemason and the co-founder and first president of the Theosophical Society. Olcott wrote that “Buddha taught two things are eternal, ‘Akasa’ and ‘Nirvana’: everything has come out of Akasa in obedience to a law of motion inherent in it, and, passes away. No thing ever comes out of nothing.”

Charles Webster Leadbeater was a member of the Theosophical Society, Co-Freemasonry, author and co-initiator of the Liberal Catholic Church. He identified the Akashic records by name as something a clairvoyant could read. In his 1913 book ‘Man: Whence, How and Whither’, he claimed it recorded the history of Atlantis and other civilizations as well as the future society of Earth in the 28th century.

Alice Ann Bailey was a writer on theosophical subjects and was one of the first writers to use the term New Age. In her book ‘Light of the Soul on The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali – Book 3 – Union achieved and its Results (1927) she wrote, “The Akashic record is like an immense photographic film, registering all the desires and earth experiences of our planet. Those who perceive it will see pictured thereon: The life experiences of every human being since time began, the reactions to experience of the entire animal kingdom, the aggregation of the thought-forms of a karmic nature (based on desire) of every human unit throughout time. Herein lies the great deception of the records. Only a trained occultist can distinguish between actual experience and those astral pictures created by imagination and keen desire”.

So if you’d like to know more about Akashic records and past lives then contact me.

katie-barrett-cdZIXQa34tA-unsplash__1658499828_86.184.204.130

Brain Waves

Now, you might think this post is about inspiration and creativity and indirectly it is. But this blog is, literally, about brainwaves. So, what are brain waves? Well, brain waves or neural oscillations are rhythmic or repetitive patterns of neural activity in the central nervous system. Through research and observation we are able to tell what the brain is doing be measuring the frequency of the brain waves being produced.

Although changes in brain activity is normal, for example falling asleep, what hypnosis does is move you from a higher frequency (full awake) to a lower frequency (relaxed) of brain waves. The lower the frequency the lower your level of consciousness and thus the more receptive the subconscious becomes.

The highest level of brain waves are call Beta waves and they occupy the frequency range between 12 and 40 hertz (Hz). You produce these waves when you are conscious and awake.  This is a normal state for us to be in during the day. Typical activities include thinking, problem solving, reading, writing and talking. 

Alpha waves occupy the range between 8 and 12 Hz and are associated with calm and relaxed periods.  These waves act like a bridge between your conscious and unconscious minds. This alpha state is sometimes described as being in “the now” or being in the present. These are typically produced when relaxed, meditating or when your eyes are closed. This is an ideal state for learning – absorbing and digesting information.

As you become more relaxed, alpha waves become more prevalent, but you are still awake. When you become unconscious more theta waves are produced. These waves are in the range 4 to 8 Hz. You produce these waves when you enter sleep, practise visualisation or under hypnosis. When theta waves are produced your conscious mind is pretty much switched off. This mean you can access your creative side, dream, experience deep meditation as well as delve inside memories.

Delta waves are produced when you are asleep and occur in the low end of the range up to 4 Hz.  The deeper you sleep, the more delta waves are present.  Delta wave production are a sign of a good night’s sleep, healing and boosting your immune system. Sadly, the older you get, the fewer delta waves are produced and this explains the expression ‘to sleep like a baby’. 

The human brain is an incredible thing and one we know little about it. As Neil deGrasse Tyson (American Astrophysicist and Author) said, “Everything we do, every thought we’ve ever had, is produced by the human brain. But exactly how it operates remains one of the biggest unsolved mysteries, and it seems the more we probe its secrets, the more surprises we find”.

Despite this, what insights we have allow us to understand and do more.  For example, if you are looking to be creativity then you need to get out of your conscious mind and do activities that reduce the frequency of your brain waves. And, while problem solving can be a logical, conscious process (beta waves), creative problem solving can be done with alpha (when relaxed) and theta waves (visualisation, mediating).  

mockup-graphics-i1iqQRLULlg-unsplash__1656945464_147.148.185.134

Know Your Numbers

5 to 11 September is Know Your Numbers week.  Lottery numbers? No, it’s an annual campaign designed to raise awareness of high blood pressure and encouraging all UK adults to get a blood pressure check. Run by Blood Pressure UK, a charity dedicated to lowering the nation’s blood pressure and so prevent disability and death from stroke and Cardiovascular disease (CVD).

So what causes high blood pressure or Hypertension? Well there are many factors, but most of them are related to lifestyle. These factors include smoking, being overweight, consuming too much alcohol, too much salt in your diet, not eating enough fruit and vegetables, consuming too much fat and sugar and a lack of exercise. Other factor include age (it tends to rise the older you are), a family history of high blood pressure, other health problems and certain medications. These medications include non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAIDS) such as ibuprofen, some antidepressants, the combined contraceptive pill which contains the hormone oestrogen, steroids and some recreational drugs such as cocaine or amphetamines.

High blood pressure has not symptoms, so the only one way to know if you have it is to get a blood pressure check. All adults should have their pressure check periodically. It quick and painless and could save your life.  There are lots of places where you can get a blood pressure check for free, including your GP surgery as well as many pharmacies and some leisure centres. Home blood pressure monitors are available for less than £20 at the moment.

When you have your blood pressure measured you will see two numbers. The first or top number is the Systolic blood pressure. This is the highest level your blood pressure reaches when your heart beats to force blood around your body. The bottom or second number is the Diastolic blood pressure. This is your blood pressure when your heart relaxes between beats. If the first number was 120 and the second number was 80, this would be written as 120/80mmHg.

So what number can you expect? Well as a rule:

  • 140/90mmHg or over – you have high blood pressure. This is the point where your risk of serious health problems goes up. Your doctor might prescribe medications and advise you to make changes to your lifestyle to bring your blood pressure down.
  •  120/80mmHg up to 140/90mmHg – you have raised, but not excessively high-normal blood pressure. See how you can make healthy changes to your lifestyle to lower it.
  •  90/60mmHg up to 120/80mmHg – ideal blood pressure.  Your blood pressure reading is healthy. At this level you have a much lower risk of heart disease and stroke.
  •  90/60mmHg or lower – you may have low blood pressure. This is not usually a problem in itself, but may cause dizziness and could be a sign of another health problem. 

Keeping your blood pressure at a healthy level helps to keep your blood vessels and heart healthy. Even small improvements can make a big difference. There are several ways to lower blood pressure. Healthy living such as being active, keeping to a healthy weight and not smoking are some of the best things you can do. Healthy eating such as cutting back on salt and saturated fats as well as eating fruit and vegetables will help. As Joe Bastianich (American restaurateur and television personality) said, “Your pantry is your first line of defence against food-borne illness and things like high blood pressure and cholesterol”.

Checking your blood pressure is an important task and can see how well any changes you have made are working. There are many things that can temporarily effect you blood pressure such as feeling stressed, temperature and the time of day. So, one high reading doesn’t necessarily mean you have high blood pressure. But if it is consistently high, you need to act. If lifestyle changes are not enough, your doctor can prescribe medication to lower it. 

Hypnotherapy can help with many of the underlying causes of high blood pressure. It can be used to treat stress, anxiety, smoking, alcohol use, being overweight and a lack of exercise. I have made a short video about how it can help. If you think Hypnotherapy can help you, then contact me.