Men and Women 2

A few months ago I wrote about the difference between men and women and got a good response. So, I thought I would expand on this a little more. Being aware of these differences, acknowledging them and working with them is important in any relationship, be it personal, business or social. Now, the differences are a matter of degree and not absolute statements. But, whatever our gender identity, we are all a blend of masculine and feminine energies. So what are the differences between men and women?

The most common complain men have about women is that they always want to change them. But when a woman tries to improve, change, correct or give advice to a man, he hears he is being told that they aren’t competent or don’t know how to do something or that they can’t do something on their own.

The most frequent complaint women have about men is that they don’t listen. Men instinctively want to offer advice and solutions to problems and this is for them the best way to be helpful and to show love. However, women often just want empathy and someone to listen to them. A man trying to change a woman’s mood when she is upset by offering solutions to her problems is often interpreted as discounting and invalidating her feelings.

One further area of contention is house work and cleanliness. Men typically avoid housework and may feel demeaned by doing it. For women, cleaning a house is a manifestation of warm, homey nest. Men and women also often have different thresholds for cleanliness and dirt.

A man only appreciates advice and criticism if it is requested. Men are more open to improvements when they feel they are being approached as a solution to a problem rather than the problem itself.

Men have a greater needs for status and independence while women have needs for intimacy and connection. Women need caring, understanding, respect, devotion, validation, and reassurance and are motivated when they feel special or cherished. While men need to be trusted, accepted, appreciated, admired and encouraged. They feel motivated when they feel needed and fears that he is not good enough or not competent enough. .

Knowing about these differences, accepting and respecting them will help you understand your partner better. And always remember them when talking about anything important, when trying to express care and concern and when solving conflicts. Remember, a combination of male and females strengths can be a formidable team. While it’s a slightly dated quote, as Dick Van Dyke (American actor) said, “Women will never be as successful as men because they have no wives to advise them”.

If you and your partner are struggling, a good place to start trying to resolve things might be to read the book ‘Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus’ (1992) written by American Author and Relationship Counsellor, John Gray. This explains in some detail the differences between the sexes and common misunderstandings and misperceptions.

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